Yes, Here I Go Again

I am in a dangerous mood, one in which resolutions such as "never write a blog that might end up incriminating someone" or "never poke fun at others for your entertainment" or "never pour your heart out unnecessarily" go down the drain pipe and get flushed into the Mulla-Mutha river. It's one of the reckless "to-hell-with-the-world" kind of moods, one where all you want is your own company and the four walls of your own room.

 What do I do when I am in those moods? Sometimes I hitchhike to the middle of a park and sit and stare at the stars willing them to turn into supernovae in front of my own two eyes.Sometimes, I read. Sometimes, I cook. My histrionics in the kitchen have been topics of gossip at the dinner table, often-times. The reason for it is my innate quality of mixing the most obscure of ingredients together and hoping for a miracle. In a very Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde kinda way, the best inventions have been the results of such obscurity. 

 So what quadratic turn of events are responsible for my such moods? I am, of course, the primary variable in these equations. My some random behaviour in the past, is now bearing it's fruits, causing such upheavals in my persona. However there are singular instances that completely throw your thinking off-balance and cause you to act/react in the strangest ways possible. Like for instance, I have a rain-shoe in my closet that gives me a shoe bite every time I wear it. Every time I wear it, I pledge never to put myself through such torture again. Come rain, all my other shoes become useless and I end up wearing them shoes. Now, I know that those shoes will lead to calluses. However, I don them from time to time. Why I do it, you ask? Because of the lack of other options.

 Strange, you could go buy yourself another pair of them rain shoes.

 No, they are pretty shoes. They are the shoes that I like. If I wanted other kinds of rain-shoes, I could have picked them up a long time back. Plus, I don't think I will find rain shoes of the kind that I want.

 Weird reason to get worked up about don't you think? How would you know, dear reader? Have you walked close to 5 kilometers with shoes that give you calluses.
 Also, there are variables like the buzzing mosquito that will never leave you alone when you are trying to sleep, the constantly hovering fly that lands on your food just when you are about to eat it, the omnipresent light that stops you from shooting that basket, that person who pretends to be your friend but really isn't, the person who wants to be cool but doesn't know how to spell it, the person who wants to grow up but doesn't know how to live it, the person who might be a nerd but doesn't want to admit it and that interesting book which you really loved made into a movie that completely messed it. Yeah, I did try to rhyme a couple of words here and there.(In my head I was rapping these lines out). Don't blame me for trying to make it all sound likable. Nobody like to read a blog where all the writer does is complain.
All the above variables feature in my life prominently. They are the part of my "every day equations". Being a quadratic equation, I should be able to solve them out simultaneously. The solution should be simple. Then again, I might have already stumbled upon the solution.

Reasons to NOT get a new battery.

My cellphone's battery has died. No, I cant charge it, I need a new battery. So go out and buy a new one, you say. I say, what's the need. Now, before all you techno freaks and pseudo-realists decide to blow my brains out let me take you through my list of  "Top 5 excuses to not buy a new battery".

Numero Uno: Low on funds. Seriously, low. No, I'm not asking my parents to bail me out because it was my fault that my battery died and so I need to take complete responsibilty for it's demise. Strangely enough, they seem to be okay with getting me a new battery. That does not mean I shirk from my moral responsibilities.

Nombre deux: This brings down the number of distractions around me to a much better figure of "four". The other distractions are of course, the idiot box (Cliche alert!), the internet (my saviour!), Sugar (my pet dog who I just need to keep talking to ALL day long) and my brother (who is an inimitable distraction, also a permanent member of the Distraction Committee).Since four is better than five, my daily work output goes up by 20% (Simple math involving taking fractions and converting those into percentages).

Number three: My imaginary friends might abandon me sometime soon (they've been threatening to do so for quite some time now!). Before the unthinkable happens, my battery dies and lo! I get the the best opportunity to re-connect with them. Now I can have long chat sessions with them without the need to keep checking my incoming texts.

Number four: I will not let the years of planning and blue-printing my efforts at building the perfect "Happy Place" bite the dust anytime soon. It's time to return to my "Happy Place" and ensure its beautiful as ever.

Number Last: The universe just does not want me to have a phone. Let's face it. All the mobile devices that I have ever been the owner of, have all died gruesome deaths. They have been tortured and harassed till their metal bodies no longer had the strength to support the electric force in them. And why fight the will of the universe. It knows the best, after all.

Sugar: A Case File

Date: Sometime around 2nd February, 2011.

Place: The mountains, somewhere around Pune city.

The following events took place between February and August of the year 2011.

On the above-mentioned date a brood of tiny creatures were brought into this world. To this day we don't know the exact reason for this conception but then, the universe does function in mysterious ways. These creatures would go on to become part of six human families, make a mark in their lives, and settle in. They would shed their innate forms and become as close to humans as they can, marking them, observing them, learning from them.
And my family is one of the six families responsible for one such creature.
The creature was escorted to our home, one surprisingly dark June evening.According to eye witness accounts, (in this case it happens to be my brother) the minute she got home, the entire atmosphere around the house changed. Her territorial instincts (which are still in training) , kicked in. She gave off a strange odour and refused to move about. Meanwhile, all efforts were being made to hold communications with the strange creature. Their were cries of "WE COME IN PEACE" echoing all around the house, the loudest being from one 12 year old kid, who himself belongs to another alien race.
The ice breaking event that finally opened all bridges of communications between the creature and the humans was the simple act of dousing the creature in water and giving her a soapy scrub. Trust mothers to think out of the box. When all logic fails, its time for the Mums to work their magic .
And in the creatures case, it actually was magic. The bath was the first step towards the acceptance of the creature into the family and vice-versa. All the hostility and strangeness kept rolling off the creature until all that was left was a forlorn looking puppy dog, with beautiful black eyes, looking around at humans to get some love. The metamorphosis of the creature is in itself a mark of some higher intelligence.
So now the doggie form of the creature has been christened "Sugar", form of highly addictive hydrocarbon which when taken in large amounts can wreak havoc in a person. ( Mum says she was named thus, because of her "'sweet" nature. *sigh* Mums!).
It has been three months since the above-mentioned episode took place. Everyday brings a new change in Sugar's behaviour. She is the new celebrity in the house. Like human beings, she"s learnt the joys of socialising and has guest coming to visit her often. She has learnt the art of tantrum-throwing and how to use her natural abilities to get what she wants. She is now learning to adopt the superciliousness of humans and amble around the house as if she owns it. She is the perfect example of a mega experiment going right.

Current Location: Pune.

Status: Officially been adopted as a member of the Prasad family.