Reasons to NOT get a new battery.

My cellphone's battery has died. No, I cant charge it, I need a new battery. So go out and buy a new one, you say. I say, what's the need. Now, before all you techno freaks and pseudo-realists decide to blow my brains out let me take you through my list of  "Top 5 excuses to not buy a new battery".

Numero Uno: Low on funds. Seriously, low. No, I'm not asking my parents to bail me out because it was my fault that my battery died and so I need to take complete responsibilty for it's demise. Strangely enough, they seem to be okay with getting me a new battery. That does not mean I shirk from my moral responsibilities.

Nombre deux: This brings down the number of distractions around me to a much better figure of "four". The other distractions are of course, the idiot box (Cliche alert!), the internet (my saviour!), Sugar (my pet dog who I just need to keep talking to ALL day long) and my brother (who is an inimitable distraction, also a permanent member of the Distraction Committee).Since four is better than five, my daily work output goes up by 20% (Simple math involving taking fractions and converting those into percentages).

Number three: My imaginary friends might abandon me sometime soon (they've been threatening to do so for quite some time now!). Before the unthinkable happens, my battery dies and lo! I get the the best opportunity to re-connect with them. Now I can have long chat sessions with them without the need to keep checking my incoming texts.

Number four: I will not let the years of planning and blue-printing my efforts at building the perfect "Happy Place" bite the dust anytime soon. It's time to return to my "Happy Place" and ensure its beautiful as ever.

Number Last: The universe just does not want me to have a phone. Let's face it. All the mobile devices that I have ever been the owner of, have all died gruesome deaths. They have been tortured and harassed till their metal bodies no longer had the strength to support the electric force in them. And why fight the will of the universe. It knows the best, after all.