Befuddled Musings of One Chandni Prasad

So what is going on in my mind right now? A lot, as usual. A million conflicting thoughts and emotions are dancing around. There’s doubt, there’s hope, there’s happiness, there’s sadness, there’s excitement, there’s guilt and a million other emotions, which my limited vocabulary prevents me from enunciating. Charles Dickens expressed the contradictions of states best in his novel - “A Tale of Two Cities”.

So what is causing this motley set of emotions? Hormones? (I forbid the reader from doing a Dr. Phil on me!) Apart from that it’s really the lack of insight/foresight into what I want from life. And I’m not just referring to my career and goals and the other what not’s.

The simple things in life like: “what I want to eat, what I want to wear and how I want to spend my afternoon”, are easy enough to figure. But gods forbid if I’m asked: “What do you want?”  Or “are you ready to take a chance?”, then I’m rather at the loss of words- “perte des mots”, in French, which is an achievement in itself for a chatter-box .

The reader might scoff at the simplicity of these questions (it is not as if I’ve been asked to verbally define the theory of relativity), but answering them is not.  Yeah, I tried using the good ol’ cranium, but no cerebration has occurred. The search always returns error 404.  Also my new found bible- The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’s friendly advice on “42” being the answer did nothing to abate my confusion.

So what is the suggestion? The whole “look deeper within you”, “search your heart for answers” routines don’t work with me. I mean, if I was into the whole “Eat, Pray, Love” thing I wouldn’t be sitting here, writing this blog post. Meditation, on the other hand, bores the living daylights out of me. Turning into a shingle is not on my “Top 25 things to become until you die” list.

However the “truly annoying award” goes to my extremely creative and imaginative dream creating brain. If I were to assign one true reason for my state of confusion, it would be because of this image producing wizard. The other non-helpful thing is that weird noise in my head that keeps buzzing through the day, contradicting every plausible solution that I may stumble upon. And then there is the almighty universe which gives out the strangest signs, especially when I’m not looking for them.

So what do I do? Google the answers? Nah..too many possible permutations and combinations for a simple search engine to handle. The maybe I should seek advice from Mom? Not if I want to be put in the friendly neighborhood institute for the mentally challenged. Friends are always there. Yeah, not if I'm busy all the bungling time or when they are not around when I need them. Then what, a psychologist? No, I’m not demented enough to inflict such torture upon myself.

So it’s back to square one. Buzzing in the head is still around. Solutions do not seem likely to appear on the horizon. So do I take a leap into the dark? Or do I wait around, as the moments pass by? It’s one helluva choice that I’ve just got to make.