Befuddled Musings of One Chandni Prasad

So what is going on in my mind right now? A lot, as usual. A million conflicting thoughts and emotions are dancing around. There’s doubt, there’s hope, there’s happiness, there’s sadness, there’s excitement, there’s guilt and a million other emotions, which my limited vocabulary prevents me from enunciating. Charles Dickens expressed the contradictions of states best in his novel - “A Tale of Two Cities”.

So what is causing this motley set of emotions? Hormones? (I forbid the reader from doing a Dr. Phil on me!) Apart from that it’s really the lack of insight/foresight into what I want from life. And I’m not just referring to my career and goals and the other what not’s.

The simple things in life like: “what I want to eat, what I want to wear and how I want to spend my afternoon”, are easy enough to figure. But gods forbid if I’m asked: “What do you want?”  Or “are you ready to take a chance?”, then I’m rather at the loss of words- “perte des mots”, in French, which is an achievement in itself for a chatter-box .

The reader might scoff at the simplicity of these questions (it is not as if I’ve been asked to verbally define the theory of relativity), but answering them is not.  Yeah, I tried using the good ol’ cranium, but no cerebration has occurred. The search always returns error 404.  Also my new found bible- The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’s friendly advice on “42” being the answer did nothing to abate my confusion.

So what is the suggestion? The whole “look deeper within you”, “search your heart for answers” routines don’t work with me. I mean, if I was into the whole “Eat, Pray, Love” thing I wouldn’t be sitting here, writing this blog post. Meditation, on the other hand, bores the living daylights out of me. Turning into a shingle is not on my “Top 25 things to become until you die” list.

However the “truly annoying award” goes to my extremely creative and imaginative dream creating brain. If I were to assign one true reason for my state of confusion, it would be because of this image producing wizard. The other non-helpful thing is that weird noise in my head that keeps buzzing through the day, contradicting every plausible solution that I may stumble upon. And then there is the almighty universe which gives out the strangest signs, especially when I’m not looking for them.

So what do I do? Google the answers? Nah..too many possible permutations and combinations for a simple search engine to handle. The maybe I should seek advice from Mom? Not if I want to be put in the friendly neighborhood institute for the mentally challenged. Friends are always there. Yeah, not if I'm busy all the bungling time or when they are not around when I need them. Then what, a psychologist? No, I’m not demented enough to inflict such torture upon myself.

So it’s back to square one. Buzzing in the head is still around. Solutions do not seem likely to appear on the horizon. So do I take a leap into the dark? Or do I wait around, as the moments pass by? It’s one helluva choice that I’ve just got to make. 

"A year's worth of social learning"

Ok so it has been awhile since I last blogged. Yeah that’s due to a large number of factors primarily exams and the other reasons include the sheer summer heat and post-exams languor, coupled with the inexorable lack of time. It wasn’t due to laziness ok?

So now that I’m 19, I’ve decided to write about all the things that I learnt in the one year from my 18^th birthday. It’s been one hell of a year, so naturally there has been a lot to take home from it.  Now obviously there were a lot of things on my “things to do before I’m 19 “ list, which remain undone but that’s a different story.

So, enough with the bantering.  Here’s the list:

·         The first thing I realized is that your life is not a movie. No, the entire world does not break into a song and dance sequence just to celebrate your happy mood. Nor,does your knight in shining armor come to help you out every step of the way.

·         Parents have a sort of screen in their heads that automatically captures and stores the images of their kids as two year olds. Also it has the unique ability to superimpose that image on any subsequent images that occur. What it simply means is that no matter how old their kids actually are (they may be graying for all you know) they would appear like the two year old toddler minus the crying and the barfing.

·         The tinier and the more visually horrifying a place, the yummier, more flavourful and exotic will be your food. Trust me, that’s the secret to a happy tummy.

·         Medieval torture devices could take a beating to the present day form of torture: exams.

·         Hoping for talking robots as teachers is being optimistic to the point of lunacy. Hoping for talking humans as teachers is what my dream is.

·         The more the number of people you can baffle with your speech the better the chances of you appearing uber cool and spectacularly brilliant.

·         Making friends is one of life’s more challenging operations. No, employing the use of CIA or CID to do a background check on your would-be friends does not help at all. And it’s not about spawning doppelgangers or nurturing sycophants but creating long lasting friendships and bonds of trust between people.

·         Love is still a confusing terminology. Pity there’s no one way to define it.  Although I love Albus Dumbledore I’m seriously beginning to doubt his ideologies about “love”.  Yeah, reading the ending of Harry Potter did nothing to help,  by the way.

·         Cricket is a religion. It’s not just a sport for people in India. And as nonchalant as one may try to appear, or as much as one may pretend that soccer is what is, for higher beings,  it’s impossible to not venerate in joy when India brings home the much anticipated “world cup”.

·         No matter how much money you have on you, you always end up owing/lending cash to your friends.

These are what I call “learnings”.  Pretty obvious, depending on what stage of development, you, as a reader, are at. It was high time I chronicled something and this is a sure way of telling my Mom that look, I’ve been busy!

College Bugger Fun

We collegians are, in general, a bunch of overly excited people. Small things, tiny, inconsequential things are put up on a pedestal with a spotlight on them. Everywhere you go you are dogged by the same inane conversations. The college centre, the ladies recreational room, the library, the canteen and these days even the sporting fields.  Juicy gossip is inevitable. Yeah I know it’s our hormones to blame. Yes I even know that it’s always the other person’s fault. However, isn’t anybody concerned about looking at the bigger picture here?

Look around you. The world seems to be growing warmer.  Global warming you say? I say measure the contribution made by the “heated” minds of human beings to this alarming problem. Think you have a complicated life? Imagine a day in the life of earth. Asteroid attacks, tidal waves, tectonic plates shakeup, solar flares and gravitation of moon. To add to that it has to bear with the constant attack that humanity places on it. Bigger picture is all takes. And I’m not insanely optimistic.

College has to have all the pizzazz to make it interesting. After all it’s always other people’s distress that provides the best fodder for humour. I hear nobody complaining. Why should they? A few days of complete attention to the subjects of slander is just one of the many benefits. The others include inimitable popularity, increased interaction with seniors and the excuse to bond with certain targeted groups of people.

Of course, its extreme entertainment, better than what any reality tv show can provide. The question is: what are we taking home from it? A life time’s worth of counseling sessions for one. For some it’s the subtle art of diplomacy. For me it’s taught me to not have my feather’s ruffled no matter what.

There’s going to be a lot of clamoring and cankering both on and off campus in the days to come. It’s a quintessential part. It’s what gives us the courage to step into the thresholds of academia, brightens our day, and gives us something to think about at night. After all, what are we going to tell our kids?

The Garden

It’s been awhile since I visited the garden. Everything’s the same, I presume. After all, what could have changed in such a short while, one might ask. Plenty? Or maybe nothing at all?

Sure, a cursory glance from the entrance revealed the same smattering of people as before. The elderly couples, displaying their evolved interdependence on one another, the young couples, in a burgeoning relationship, displaying a range of emotions from covertness to general alacrity, the occasional family looking for a few hours of bonding time, and the occasional solitude-seeker seeking insight into a myriad of issues. Yeah on the whole, the numbers have remained the same.  The difference is minute- it’s the faces that have changed.

It’s a funny thing how easy it is to study the humans as a whole, as an entity. The same cannot be said for an isolated human. As a group we behave the same. As an individual, nothing’s the same. It maybe our capriciousness or maybe the sheer force of humanity, who’s to say?

Coming back to the garden. The trees are different. They have sprouted new leaves. The flowers of yesterday have given way to the seasonal ones of today. The migratory birds have taken off and now the usual array of birds is visible. The stars that were once so very bright have lost their luminescence.

Change is how the nature works. Change is good. Change is fun when it’s done, as said by a very dynamic person. Sitting in the clearing, staring at the now hazy stars, there is much time to ponder on the various dimensions that life can take. So yes, every time I visit the garden I look for the things that have remained the same.  But if they were to remain the same would there be a reason for growth?